WanderWanderWander

Dune

2007-04-29T23:15:00.000-06:00

If you haven't read it yet, you must read Dune, by Frank Herbert. You must. Really. The movies either suck or SUCK, but the books are beyond good. Like I quote from them all the time and the page corners are turned down on my favorite places and it's changed how I look at the world.

From now on, I'll try to post a new Dune quote at least every time I post, if not every day (like I said, not good at daily stuff).

Today's Dune quote:

The Litany Against Fear (Dune, p. 8)
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

back...again

2007-04-29T23:06:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so I'm going to try to blog regularly again. I suck at "journaling," and this blog can't be about ideas because those are in my notebook, so I'll try to make this about information, useful and trivial.

Like, the Colorado Springs projected high tomorrow is 80. That's insane! We live in Colorado, for goodness' sake! But this part is so Colorado: On April 7th, the official high was 25. We may get one last snow storm even next month. But dear God I hope Al Gore gets his way and that it makes a difference, because if it gets much hotter this summer, like over 100, I'm moving to Leadville, elevation 10,152 (almost two miles; we're at over one mile here), average summer high: 70. Nice. Cool.

Trivial info? Useful? Just depends on your perspective.

I'm a real hippy now!

2007-02-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've begun to sprout. Not me, well, not literally anyway. But I impulse-bought this at my local health food store this week, visions of my food-allergic son hooked on sprouts and getting more nutrition than now.

And it works! At this very moment, I'm eating a mixture of sunflower sprouts, chopped radish, chopped apple, a little brown rice, Carlson's Lemon-flavored Cod Liver Oil, my own version of "hot salt" (2/3 sea salt, 1/3 cayenne pepper and ground chilies), and Vegennaise. It's delicious!

The last time I tried to sprout seeds, it ended in a stinky, moldy mess. But the Easy Sprouter works. Good luck and bon appetit!

forever since........

2006-11-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

...I've been here. Speaking of soul-baring, I'm crashing and burning with NaNoMo. (shocked, anyone?) Solomon, our nine-month-old, seems to have heard my ambitions and decided to start a growth spurt dependent upon eating at least three times between 10pm and 6am. If you've noticed my bloodshot eyes, therein is the cause.

However, two weeks remain, and my goal is 10K words by the end. To repeat something I shared with a stellar group of writers recently, I have begun to consider myself a long-distance runner, not a sprinter in the "sport" of writing. I'm in it for the long haul.

So, write on!! Slower, maybe, than your planned sprint, but continuing to put down the words. I'm with you all. :-)

Yerba Mate

2006-08-18T13:28:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to share one of my favorite drinks: yerba maté. I've been drinking the loose leaves in a French press for a couple of years.

For writers, you can't beat this drink. Here's why, according to the New York Times:

"Yerba maté gets its pep from caffeine. But it also contains theobromine, the stimulant in dark chocolate, and theophylline, tea’s pick-me-up. “Because caffeine isn’t the sole stimulant,' said Timothy Ferriss, a neuroscientist who has studied the effects of natural stimulants on athletic performance, 'maté drinkers don’t experience the rapid upward trajectory and then the quick crash of coffee.'"
from an article by Sarah Bowen Shea found at http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/17/fashion/17Physical.html

Mate got me through a very long all-nighter editing a nonfiction project I unwisely took on. I was alert but didn't have the coffee jitters and was able to sleep the next day.

To augment its health benefits, drink it with xylitol as a sweetner. Then you get only the mate slow stimulant without the quick uptake and crash of refined sugars.

My mom (and husband) thinks it tastes a bit "grassy." To take care of that, Guayaki has several kinds of loose tea, as well as a myriad of other products. I just buy the plain mate and add lemon juice and xylitol. Good iced or hot.

Here are the instructions for loose yerba mate from Guayaki's site:

"Loose Mate

French Press: Place 3-4 tablespoons of loose yerba mate or Java Mate in the French press (use more or less depending on desired strength). Add enough cool water to moisten the mate. Then add hot water. Steep for 3-10 minutes. The longer, the stronger.

Coffee Maker: Place loose yerba mate in filter basket. Add enough cool water to moisten the mate. Then run the machine as usual.

Espresso Maker: Yerba mate brews well in most espresso makers. Place yerba mate in a double espresso portafilter. Pull a long shot for a total of 4 oz. Great for making mate lattés. Some baristas choose to grind the mate before using in portafilter.

Tea Pot or Tea Ball: Add loose mate or Java Mate to tea pot and moisten with cool water before adding hot water. The mate will sink to the bottom in a few minutes. Pour through a fine metal mesh strainer if one is not built into the tea pot. (When using a tea ball, a fine-mesh filter is most effective.) This method also works great with a reusable tea sack."
http://www.guayaki.com/

Great stuff!

Mel and the Dark Side

2006-08-03T10:11:00.000-06:00

I grew up in "the church." My father was a pastor, my mother a pastor's wife. Each and every decision had the potential to affect how each church viewed my father and his ministry and thus his effectiveness. In this light, there were a few cardinal rules: (I recognize that other pastors handled these rules better, overcoming them, even. But the political structure of the local church and the simplification and twisting of what "sanctification" means in everyday life naturally leads to not overcoming, to kowtowing, towing the line, doing whatever one must to survive to the next paycheck. And I have been told by countless other pastors and families of these same problems.)

1. Show no weakness, unless it's easily remedied. My parents had serious marital difficulties. But they could not work through these publicly without serious and longlasting repercussions to my father's career. Thus, they never got worked out and they divorced just before their 30 year anniversary, after my father had been out of the ministry for a couple of years. If you admit to having any problems with any recurrent sins, you lose your leadership effectiveness. (Why, I ask. Because people must believe that they follow their betters, not flawed humans, in order to simply do as they're told.)

2. Confront no one. Confrontation leads to real conflict which leads to problems.

3. Couch any disagreement in spiritual language. "In my prayer time this morning, I felt led to...." I have seen so many conflicts spring from this attitude, so much dishonesty, so much judgement, it's astounding.

4. Be nice. The truth is so unspiritual, so mean-sounding. You may not sound mean or angry or frustrated or cocky...or real.

Regarding "nice." I met a fellow writer at a conference recently who talked to me about her attempt to find honest feedback. She's writing a Christian book and had tried a couple of Christian critique groups. She said that she never got any honest critiques and when she critiqued honestly, told working writers exactly what she thought about their writing (gold, to my feedback-starved mind), they got angry and defensive. So she came to the "secular world" to find some honest feedback. Shouldn't that be a clue as to something being wrong?

I have been told my entire life to "be nice." But it's not always honest. It often gets in the way of truth and growth, mine and that of others. But "be nice" is the mantra of the modern evangelical church. (The two exceptions are to "entrenched, unrepentant sinners" and your family; you can be mean to them without much, if any, spiritual reprimand.)

I think it's what happened to Mel Gibson. Perhaps he's never been instructed or encouraged to look at those ugly, dark, complex parts of himself, to drag them to the light. I certainly never was. It's only in the last few years that I've recognized (after going on a long church-fast) the need to constantly do so.

One seminal book for me in this journey was Susan Howatch's Glittering Images.
It's about an Anglican pastor who goes through his journey of dragging his dark side to the light. I didn't like her second book quite as much, but this one was brilliant. It's not a typically evangelical book, definitely not something Focus on the Family would publish (thank God).

So is there any conclusion to all this? Any words of wisdom or learning we can all take away from Mel's experience?

Perhaps this: Though I would never wish alcoholism on anyone, I would wish the often unbridled honesty, looseness of tongue, and uninhibited personality that drink brings to most people on the evangelical church. Perhaps if all those placard-carrying, fire-and-brimstone-preaching (usually) men were to lose control every now and then, they'd face up to their dark sides instead of denying them and judging everyone else for having one.

so call me a tree hugger

2006-07-27T16:30:00.000-06:00

Check out www.newstarget.com for a very interesting alternative news site. The article on the front page today is about body odor (http://www.NewsTarget.com/019777.html).

I was referred to the site by the folks at Ruth's Hemp Foods, products I'm checking out, especially for our very food allergic three-year-old. I'm going to try their hemp protein with sprouted flax and maca root:
.

Also check out Amazon.com's new grocery section. Many products qualify for free shipping and they have an extensive natural/organic section. Bon appetit!

iced tonic

2006-07-17T19:59:00.000-06:00

When I was pregnant with our son, we used a midwife, Dottie Kirkpatrick (www.birthmattersmidwifery.com) as our main care provider. At around 25 weeks, my whole body swelled up. I was retaining water and after consulting with Dottie, realized that I was overstressed, eating too little, too little protein, and resting too little. I increased my protein, salt, and water intake, drank nettles tea, put my feet up and rested. After a day and a half, I could see the bones in my feet again and was back to normal in tests.

Stinging nettle has a long, varied history as a tonic. (For an unorganized but fascinating account, see http://tinyurl.com/9fl4g.) I drank an infusion of a couple of teaspoons of dried nettle leaves in 8 oz. of boiling water every morning of my pregnancy after that episode, and continued drinking it after Solomon was born (five months ago!).

I've just started walking again, working toward getting my pre-pregnancy (at least) body back. And it's HOT, so I needed a cool tonic instead of the hot tea. Here's what I came up with. It's surprisingly refreshing, tastes a bit sweet, almost like lemonade, and is delicious.

Iced Tonic

Nettles infusion: Take two strainers (or one very large one) and fill halfway with dried nettles. Pour four cups of boiling water over them. Let it steep at least one hour. Refrigerate until cool.
In a large pitcher, put the juice of one lemon (or more if you like stronger lemonade) and about 1/4 cup xylitol (or raw sugar). Add a few capfuls of apple cider vinegar. Add the nettles infusion. Mix well. Add water to the top of the pitcher and mix well again. Refrigerate and enjoy iced!

Borrowed books

2006-07-11T09:10:00.000-06:00

I am afflicted with that all-too-common, annoying-to-everyone (even those who have it) illness of lax book borrower.

I think it began with moving every three or four years (or seven months) growing up. We unpacked library books hurriedly stuffed with ours. I recall my mother saying we should send those back, but I still have some, I'm embarrassed to say. Returning them all with a check for who knows how many years of fines is on my list of do before I die. My husband gleefully calls me--miss goody two-shoes--evil thief for this lapse.

However, I realized one positive part of this fault when I rescued some of the books from my childhood from my three-year-old son. I connect books with my history.

I have given our children most of the books my mother saved for me, because I wanted them to share in my upbringing. The Laughing Dragon, Sloth's Birthday Party, Mouse Soup are my history. I can't go down the street to a school I attended; they're in Ohio, Arkansas, Oregon, and Texas. I don't meet people I knew from childhood; I don't even know where they are. We lived in all the "o" states before I graduated from high school.

But every time we moved, our house became home with the unpacking of the books. So my books are my history. And that part of me reared up when I found the cover ripped off of one. So I will be saving some of my favorites for when he's a little older.

This attitude toward books also saves my thiefdom from conviction. I remember the people I've borrowed from much more than if I had none of their books. The waiter at the Chinese restaurant who insisted his name was "Waiter" and loaned my his French quotation book, my best friend from college, the one family I stayed in touch with from Ohio. The nagging guilt of needing to return their books has grafted them into my memory. I think of them, pray for them, and even call them far more than if I didn't have that book on the shelf reserved for borrowed books.

So books not only connect me with my history, they make me part of a community, far-flung though it is. If I return them, will I forget their owners? No, but I won't think of them as often. Guilt, in small amounts, properly forgotten and ignored, can perhaps be useful. Who knew?

Books from my childhood:

2006-07-11T08:41:00.000-06:00

I have found a new favorite author: Tracy Chevalier. Many have waxed eloquent on her prose. For me, reading her books is like eating refined, deepest dark chocolate truffles. Bliss while it lasts; despair when it's done.

Her books are surprisingly fast reads but also literary, rich with meaningful imagery, surprise, and they grapple with "real" issues of life. She quietly builds tension through each scene, until it's 3 a.m. and you must keep reading. Wonderful.

Go read Chevalier...now!

Absentmindedness and Senility

2006-07-01T08:09:00.000-06:00

I have a working theory. It will be a long time before I know whether or not it works.

If I'm absentminded now, when I'm really old and truly senile, I'll have processes in place to handle it, and will thus be--or at least seem--less senile than all of you deplorably organized people.

motivation

2006-05-15T22:38:00.000-06:00

I have many, many logical reasons to lose my baby (okay, three babies') weight. But for me, the illogical works best. Too much baggage surrounding the road of logic.

My favorite season is fall. And though I am not into collecting stuff, not into "stuff" at all, I have one or two stuff loves. I love vintage coats and patterned tights. Oh yes, and Dansko shoes.

New-found motivation for more walking and yoga this summer: http://joyofsocks.com/.

They have the best selection of tights I've ever seen. I so want the flame tights for this coming fall. And I want them to look good, not silly. I want the word "hot" to not be sarcastic when I wear them. :-)

So, walking tomorrow, the next day, and the next. Flame tights here I come.

Cool organic tool

2006-05-04T14:41:00.000-06:00

More on organic produce!

I found this on the Food News site at http://www.foodnews.org/tools.php. You can click on produce individually or make what you wish and it spits out a list of pesticides on each food, both conventionally and organically grown.

This is from that page:

"Produce "Scanner"
What pesticides would you likely find in the food you eat?
Wouldn't it be nice if the cashier gave you a printout of the pesticides in the food you buy when you're at the grocery store? Well, until that technology gets here, use the FoodNews Produce Scanner to see how many and which pesticides likely came along for the ride from the market. Try mixing up a fruit salad, making a garden salad with vegetables,or take a stroll up the produce aisle and compare fruits and vegetables together.
Of course, the FoodNews Produce Scanner is just a simulation. The results are based on the best available data from the federal government and the State of California. But read on and you will see how close to reality it is."

Have fun!

My two cents on Viswanathan

2006-05-03T10:00:00.000-06:00

A friend and member of my critique group expressed worry that she would unconsciously spew out her favorite passages from books she's read and written down over the years. My response to her:

"From all I've read about the Viswanathan case, I don't think you need to worry. I read this passage online this morning (at http://www.bergen.com/page.php?qstr=eXJpcnk3ZjczN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXkzMTMmZmdiZWw3Zjd2cWVlRUV5eTY5MjkwNTgmeXJpcnk3ZjcxN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXky):
'McCafferty's publisher, the Crown Publishing Group, alleged it found at least 40 similarities between its best-selling author's works and "Opal Mehta." Viswanathan admitted to plagiarizing the work, saying she had read and admired McCafferty and probably internalized and unconsciously repeated portions of those books.'

What's wrong with this statement?
'unconsciously repeated'
Give me a break. Anyone who reads and admires something as much as it would take to repeat like she did knows exactly what they're doing and writing. I quote--in straight quote and paraphrase--Dune all the time. I know where what I'm saying comes from exactly because I have read and admired it so much. And I thus attibute it to Frank Herbert.

'40 similarities'
Again, give me a break. The sheer number shows intent. If it was from one author that she read four times a year and wasn't nearly so much word for word, concept for concept, I could see this number being somewhat valid, but as it is, it's not. It reminds me of a college student doing research. It certainly seems she approached writing her--sorry, a novel the same way. Did anyone tell her a novel is different from a paper, something professional writers know because they know from where a book comes, inside? And it doesn't apply to historical, factual research (the DaVinci Code trial ruling settled that). That's a different scenario. When I start a new book, I research others to make sure my book stands out, that it's different, so as not to waste my time.

'admitted to plagiarizing'
If she admits to this, this, "probably internalized and unconsciously repeated portions" cannot be true. Plagiarism is not uncounscious, not probably. It's definite and internal.

If the girl is as smart and talented as the buzz said, as her advance suggested, she knows what she read, when she read it, the style and content of admired authors, and would not be able to mix those up, "unconsciously repeat" it.

Deborah, you are smart and saavy enough to know exactly what you're writing. You're not going to do this because it's not your intent. You won't freeze up because what you write comes from inside you, not from books like yours.

Unconsciously weaving the concepts from favorite works is not the same thing. An example (although this is a unique enough concept, I would always attribute it, either within the work or in acknowledgements): In Dune, the Bene Gesserit believe that the old adage, 'Power corrupts' is not accurate. They observe that 'Power attracts the corruptible.'

Now, I have definitely internalized that concept enough that I could write reams on all kinds of subjects and all kinds of fiction informed by it. (It certainly informs how I view politics.) But knowing this, I would always attribute.

You are the same way. You don't spew. And you won't freeze. So don't worry! And I don't have to tell you to write, you productive maniac. :-)

So, that's my two cents. Take it or leave it."

All out of proportion?

2006-04-30T09:33:00.000-06:00

Stoics. Quakers. Religious fundamentalist stiff-upper-lipness haunts us. Well, it haunts me.

I had a terrific experience at the Read & Critique at the Pikes Peak Writers Conference last weekend. On Friday, nonetheless. My weekend was worth it before it even began.

I read for an editor at Knopf. I read a picture book I've been working on for three years. Seventeen versions. My critique group comrades have sighed collectively every time I bring it.

And the editor loved it! Though my Murphy's-lawometer is clanging, she said everything good about my book that she had just said about Goodnight Moon. Goodnight Moon for cripes' sake!

After I, embarrassed by my good fortune in the face of ten others' less good fortune in the room, an impulse rampant in me since yearning for C's instead of straight A's, said to the editor, "I asked you to be brutal with me. I love brutal criticism." And she said something that is now next to my computer for encouragement: "I could be brutal with you if you weren't such a good writer."

Now that's huge. That's a huge compliment. And what is my gut reaction to it? She couldn't possibly have meant that as huge a compliment as I have taken it. It's "no big deal." IF she still likes it when she gets it (I sent it Monday; she got it this week unless the USPS is even more inept than in the past.), IF it passes perusal by co-workers, IF it passes her editorial board, IF it passes the marketing department, IF I get a call offering a contract, IF IF IF, then it will be a big deal. Other IFs may lurk in the process of which I have no clue.

This is what I tell myself. It's no big deal.

But it's a lie.

It's a lie designed to cushion my psyche from dissapointment. I grew up this way. "Don't get your hopes up."

A few years ago, in the context of belief, I realized this fallacy. Faith does not mean wiping my brain and heart of desire or hope. Faith means hoping and being ready to still believe in the face of the consequences. Real faith means then believing when those consequences come.

And it's related to my reaction. Downplay what happened yesterday so tomorrow won't be so disappointing when your dream is put off a little longer.

And I refuse to do it. Here, now, every time I tell the story of my R&C, I will refuse to make it "no big deal."

Because it was a big deal. And if that assessment of the situation is all out of proportion, so what, damn it. I will cling to it. I refuse to be bound to weakminded fearful interpretations of reality just to "save" myself pain later. Can I not handle the pain? Can I not grow from it? Of course I can. Done so before and will do so again. I'm a writer, after all.

And the next time I hear someone trumpet "Her reaction was all out of proportion to...," they will get a piece of my tougher, more grounded in the reality of hope, mind.

popcorn any other way

2006-04-27T20:37:00.000-06:00

Why eat popcorn any other way?

My father swears by his fat free air popper. Others go the "easy" route for microwave bags. I used to smother it in melted butter. But no more.

Olive Oil in the Pan Popcorn

Pour safflower or corn oil in the bottom of a large pan.
Put (preferrably) organic popcorn kernels in a thick layer, making sure the oil reaches every kernel.
Turn on the burner to medium high.
Place the lid on, leaving it a crack open.
When the first one or two kernels pop, be ready to shake the pan.
Wear oven mitts.
As it heats up, hold the lid a third open as you shake the unpopped kernels to the bottom.
After the popcorn is all popped and before you smell scorching, take it off the burner.
Add extra virgin, cold pressed olive oil liberally.
Add salt.
Still wearing the oven mitts, close the lid and shake the pan vigorously.
Add more oil and salt to taste.

The advantage of the olive oil, besides being a "good" oil, is that the next day, when you want to eat the leftovers, it hasn't hardened onto the delicate kernels. It tastes almost as fresh as when hot. And the taste is addictive.

Enjoy!

Up to Ten

2006-04-25T21:45:00.000-06:00

This is a terrific web site for kids. They have a section for up to six years old and one for 6-10. The entire site is available in both English and French, and all of it is completely charming. "Boowa" and "Kwala" are the main characters in much of it. Most of it is animated. For example, one game is making pancakes. You click on each ingredient to put in the mixing bowl. When all are in, it mixes, then it goes to a page with a skillet on a stove. You must move the skillet to flip and catch the pancake until you've caught ten. It's animated in a style reminiscent of Lucy Cousins' work, a la Maisy. Enjoy!
http://www.uptoten.com/kids/uptoten-home.html

Chrysalis

2006-04-05T08:54:00.000-06:00

Everyone I see now says how great I look. But I hear no trace of envy in their voices, the envy I reflexively have for those moms who look the same after pregnancy as they did before. I do hear the residue of "for just having a baby." Because I don't look great for me. I say this without whine or low self-esteem. I just know when I look good, and now is not one of those times.

Returning to my old self seems hopeless at times. I don't lose weight simply from nursing. My body interprets it as sitting, sitting, sitting.

But no more do I want to return to my "old self."

I see my current self as being a chrysalis. Today I begin to slough off the layers of this self and emerge a new creature. Strong, energetic, focused. Still nursing, still a mom, looking something like I looked before, only better.

Rite of passage

2006-04-03T08:24:00.000-06:00

I just did what I thought I'd never do. I took my daughter to school.

I had planned on homeschooling my children, but the one method I have always liked as much as homeschooling is Montessori. Our area has had only private Montessori schools, far out of our budget, until now. And our six-year-old daughter was accepted into the lower elementary class for next year. And the kindergarten class had a slot open up for the last two months of this year, so off she went.

She woke right up, early for her. She chose her clothes with care this morning. She cheerily spoke with the teacher about having a cold and went into the classroom. I didn't even get a hug. Testament to her time spent with adults and in ballet class, I guess.

I have no profound thoughts right now. The baby is cooing for attention and our three-year-old is playing Boowa and Kwala (confrontation upon stopping looms). I'm glad for Sophia's being able to go, but I can feel the control factor niggling.

Organic food

2006-03-01T12:16:00.000-07:00

Last month, my husband, Tom, came home from grocery shopping, having gotten everything on the list, including a cauliflower. Deep in the throes of pregnant cravings, I couldn't tell you why I wanted cauliflower, but I did.

We shop at Wild Oats; our son is severely food allergic and we started eating mostly organic when our daughter began to eat solid food six years ago. And, since we don't have cable or shop at the mall, we have found ways to afford eating a little more expensively, especially by also shopping at a local health food store that charges only 15% above wholesale.

As Tom looked over the receipt from Wild Oats, he said, "You'd better enjoy eating that cauliflower." I asked why and he said because it had cost $10. When we read the February 2006 issue of Consumer Reports, with an extensive article on organic food, we very happily realized that $10 cauliflower was not necessary. The article is worth your time either buying online or looking up at the library. It explains current political battles being fought to sustain the integrity of the "organic" label, as well as guidelines for buying and eating.

In the box titled, "Buy these items organic as often as possible," CR writes that apples, bell peppers, celery, cherries, imported grapes, nectarines, peaches, pears, potatoes, red raspberries, spinach, and strawberries are the most important produce to buy organic. Both the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Envionmental Working Group (EWG), a "research and advocacy organization" that analyzed over 100,000 U.S. government pesticide tests, say these are the worst pesticide offenders, both in terms of number of different pesticides found (spinach had ten on only one sample) and in levels of pesticides both on the surface and in the flesh.

CR also highlights how we can avoid hormones, antibiotics, questionable (at best...read Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser, for more info) production methods, and what causes mad cow disease by eating organic meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy. We eat a brand of eggs that has high levels of omega-3 fatty acids because the hens are fed a vegetarian diet high in those nutrients. They recommend this site for more info on why buying organic is crucial, especially for certain foods. http://foodnews.org/

Under "Buy these items organic if price is no object," CR lists asparagus, avocados, bananas, broccoli, cauliflower, sweet corn, kiwi, mangos, onions, papaya, pineapples, and sweet peas, because the EWG found that "multiple pesticide residues are, in general, rarely found on conventionally grown version of" them.

Also, CR says that processing destroys much of the nutrient value of food, thus limiting the health value of buying processed foods like bread, oil, potato chips, pasta, cereals, canned veggies or dried fruit. We tend to buy those things organic that we eat most often in this category. We depend upon a brand of brown rice pasta (www.tinkyada.com) that cooks and tastes like wheat pasta, so we buy that organic most of the time.

Under "Don't bother buying these items organic," CR lists seafood because organic labeling laws don't apply to it and because the mercury and PCB content usually depend on the size of the fish, not whether they're organic. To see which fish contain the most contaminates: http://www.perinatology.com/exposures/Maternal/seafood.htm.

CR also lists cosmetics as not being worth buying organic. They make the important caveat, though: "Unless a personal-care product consists primarily of organic agricultural ingredients, such as aloe vera gel." And I try to buy whole ingredient personal products, like Aubrey Organic, so buying organic does count in those products. For a list of synthetic ingredients that harm your skin and body, check out http://www.aubrey-organics.com/about/treat_10synth.cfm.

Here's another good site with general info and a list of what to buy organic. http://www.kidsorganics.com/10%20Most%20Important%20Foods%20to%20Eat%20Organic.htm

Some of our staples:
Lundberg Rice http://www.lundberg.com/

Chocolate http://www.chocolove.com/
http://www.rapunzel.com/

Organic dairy and other foods http://organicvalley.coop/ (We love the raw milk cheeses.)

So, again, bon appetit!

Behold our savior! Chocolate!

2006-02-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

"H.eart & B.loodCocoa,chocolate reduce heart disease ris
By David Liu Ph.D.Feb 28, 2006, 10:08

Eating or drinking cocoa products such as dark chocolate may help lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of death from any causes including heart disease in older men, according to a new Dutch study.
The study, published in the Feb 27 issue of the Archives of Internal Medicine, found that older men who ate the highest amount of cocoa were half as likely to die of cardiovascular disease as those who ate less or no cocoa. They were also less likely to have lower blood pressure.
Previous studies have associated use of cocoa with healthy hearts. Scientists believe the health benefits are largely attributed to flavan-3-ols, which have been linked to lower blood pressure and protect the endothelial cells lining the blood vessels from being damaged.
In the current study, Brian Buijsse, of the National Institute for Public Health and the Environment, in Bilthoven, and colleagues examined associations between cocoa and cardiovascular health in 470 men aged 65 to 84 years. The men were subject to physical examinations and interview about their diet at the start of the study in 1985, in 1990 and in 1995.
Over a 15-year period, men who ate cocoa products such as chocolate regularly were found likely to have lower blood pressure, compared with those who didn't.
During the 15-year study, 314 men died with 152 deaths from heart disease. Those who ate the highest amount of cocoa were 50 percent less like to die from heart disease, compared to those who ate less or no cocoa at all. Men who ate the most cocoa were also less likely to die from any other cause, the researchers found.
The correlation between eating cocoa and reduced death risk remained significant even when other factors such as weight, smoking, physical activity, calorie intake and drinking alcoh ol were considered."
http://www.foodconsumer.org/777/8/Cocoa_chocolate_lowers_heart_disease_risk.shtml

This new study confirms the benefits of cocoa. But don't think that--as the story emphasizes--drinking chemical-laden, processed, instant cocoa counts for much in the way of antioxidants. Here's my method for hot cocoa (and cold!) that comes much closer to being truly healthy.

Enjoy!

Hot Cocoa Jene's Way

**Use organic cocoa, like Ah!Laska (http://www.worldpantry.com/cgi-bin/ncommerce/ExecMacro/nspired/ahlaska/home.d2w/report), and sucanat or xylitol to sweeten and you'll be even healthier!**

Place in a mug:
1/2 to 1 tsp cocoa
1 to 2 tsp sugar--sucanat or xylitol are even better
dash salt

Stir together. Add a bit of water and stir until smooth. Add hot water. If you like it creamy, add half and half or cream to your taste. Yum!

During the summer, I like to make it without the cream and ice it. It's surprisingly refreshing.

If you like Mexican hot chocolate, add a generous dash of cinnamon and a small dash of ground chili (thank-you, Chocolat, the movie) before stirring. If you are trying to get more protein or fat, make it just like this but in a small pan on the stove, heating milk with the chocolate mixture.

Make it stronger or weaker, depending on your taste. Bon appetit!

Baby here: The whole story

2006-02-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

For all of you who have asked me in the last couple of weeks and for those who think I've dropped into a hole (true true), here's the story of my life from February 8th until now.

The good news is that we're at home, and all is well. The rest of the story is a little longer.

Real labor didn't start until Wednesday, February 8th, when I realized that this was the real thing. My contractions changed from irregular and strong to regular and intense. Thursday's contractions intensified more over the day. Late in the afternoon, I was getting impatient, not looking forward to a night awake. I just wanted it to progress during daytime (little did I know), and I knew that if I sent Tom off to get the kids haircuts--a pregnancy-induced anal retentive need for them to not look like hippies in the new baby pictures--things, according to my Murphy's Law universe, would progress more quickly. So I sent them off.

And after a shower, I was contracting every four minutes for about two minutes. So I called Dotti, my midwife, to come. She got here a bit after Tom and the kids, around 5:30 p.m. She examined me and found that I was at 5cm and fully effaced. I was really glad to know that because I was hoping that what had felt like real labor all day had been doing something and wasn't false labor. While she set up, my contractions intensified even more. We had set up the pool that day, so it was ready. I was planning on laboring in the pool and delivering on the bed. I had one contraction in particular that felt like WWII. From beginning to peak was at least two minutes.

I was starting to feel pressure very low, but I thought the whole thing was just building like Xavier's labor did. His was from about 1 to 10:30. a.m, so I was used to a gradual build-up.... So after one or two monster contractions, Dotti checked me again and I was at ten centimeters! She was astounded but said we had to start pushing.

We still thought it would take a while and my back pain was intense, so I got into the birthing pool. I wasn't planning on having him there--Dotti had the stool ready next to the pool--but as the next contraction came, Dotti dopplered the baby and his heart tones weren't good. She said I had to push NOW and get him out. I was in hot water-induced almost-bliss and really didn't want to push. I did through one contraction but his heart tones were still bad, and we didn't have time to get out of the tub or do anything. Dotti had me lean back, supported by my mom and Tom, as Dotti's assistant--who had just arrived--got things ready, and I pushed about three times.

I feel like crying right now thinking about it. I didn't even feel like pushing, even though I knew things were serious. They were all calling to me, almost yelling in an encouraging kind of way, to push harder. I think part of it was that I hadn't been doing yoga during the pregnancy and my mind/body ability was not up to par; and that I was tired. I honestly felt like going to sleep during the last one. And it did burn. I had read about "pushing through the burn" before, but never understood it. But in the labors of both of our other children, I had had an epidural--even just a slight one for a few minutes with Xavier made that much of a difference--and I had never felt the perineum stretching. Dang did it burn. And Dotti was helping him out, reaching inside, and I felt like kicking her I was burning so much. I learned later what she was doing.

But Solomon came out on the third or fourth push. He looked very different from how Sophia and Xavier did. The cord was tightly wrapped around his neck three times. Dotti had unwrapped it once in utero during the pushing, so it had been four. He flopped and was not breathing, was white and covered in vernix. Dotti--who had climbed into the pool to help him out and was still there--blew into his mouth three times and he started breathing. He started crying, blinked, and I held him as they wrapped him up and wiped him off somewhat (The vernix is really good for their skin, nourishes them in those first minutes, so we just rubbed it in.).

Dotti kept saying he was so small--I was at almost 41 weeks. And he was. His skin was in folds all over. When I delivered the placenta, we saw why, besides the possible effects of the cord wrapping. He had a true knot in the cord. The placenta was completely healthy, so it wasn't that. All anyone has been able to figure out is that he gained healthfully until the cord knotted, then drew on what resources he had until delivery.

So he recovered really well and had great color and looked healthy, though small. He needed some extra heat and ate an hour or so after birth and fell asleep. Tom was holding him and Dotti's assistant noticed his color looked a bit off. So we gave him some oxygen and his color got better. We called the pediatrician, telling him the circumstances, and he said to try to wean him off the oxygen and see how he did. He lost color again. After talking to the pediatrician again and a friend's friend, a former pedatric ER nurse, and because we had no way of knowing what could be causing the oxygen loss, we took him to the ER.

We live about three minutes away, and I called ahead (well, Dotti called) to let them know we were coming. When we got there, they had a team from the neonatal ICU (NICU) with a neonatal surgeon there too. My first--probably stress-induced--thought was that they looked like a dinner party, ranged around a brightly lit table, waiting for its host.

We could tell they were surprised by how healthy he looked--that was a bit of a relief. His temperature was good, etc. They put him on oxygen--something many healthy babies here need because of the altitude--and after a while they did a blood sugar test, and it was 20, dangerously low. So they put him on an IV glucose drip. After all the tests, they found nothing else wrong. The neonatalogist (sp?) had refrained, at my insistence, from putting him on preventive antibiotics until after testing his blood for infection, and he passed even their low threshhold and didn't need them.

So it was just the blood sugar problem. Further tests showed no metabolic problems. It was simply--at 5 lbs 3 ozs but 19 3/4" long--that he didn't have enough reserves to maintain blood sugar from feeding to feeding or, in the beginning, hour to hour. Looking back, I'm surprised the pediatrician--one of a very good practice, associated with the hospital, even--didn't think of it.

So this was Thursday night, and Tom and I hung out in a family waiting room about ten feet away from Solomon that night, getting up when he had tests or needed feeding. The next day, he was doing well enough that they moved him to a less emergency-oriented part of the NICU. I was there from Thursday until Monday night. My sister-in-law couldn't watch Sophia and Xavier past Saturday, so because I was feeding Solomon and because Tom had to go to work on Monday, I sent Tom home Saturday night. It wasn't until Sunday night's nurse that we figured out a way for Solomon to sleep better--two hours at a time--and he really seemed to be improving.

This was the drill: Every three hours, on the hour, they would test his blood sugar--chem strip via a pricked heel. It needed to be above 40 to be considered normal. They tried to wean him off the glucose drip once early in the week, but he went below thirty twice after that. After each test, I fed him, then we fed him a supplement.

It wasn't until I spoke at length with one of our pediatricians Sunday night--they work on call at the hospital too--that we changed the routine for the better. Because of Xavier's food allergies, they had been trying to supplement with Ellecare, an "elemental" kind of formula, without any whole proteins, to avoid any inherited tendency toward a milk allergy. But the stuff's nasty smelling and--according to one wonderful nurse who had tasted it, saying she couldn't feed her babies anything she hadn't tasted--nasty tasting and Solomon kept spitting it up. The doc agreed with me that it was worth the risk to try something else, and she suggested simply fortifying my breastmilk. She also recommended breastfeeding for ten minutes on each side, limiting total feeding time to 45 minutes, so as not to wear him out.

This all started Sunday and we could definitely tell results on Monday...better chemstrips. So when Tom came Monday night, it was looking up. We were in the cafeteria and I happened to look more closely at my legs and they were as swollen as they had been during a toxemia scare in the middle of the pregnancy. I knew that if I didn't want to end up in the hospital myself, I needed more sleep. I hadn't been getting it. After feeding--about an hour after the chemstrip--I would go and pump milk, then make the decision whether to spend the next hour and a half eating (feeding the body), sleeping (resting the body), cleaning up/going to the bathroom/etc.

Needless to say, I was almost at the end of my tether. I had been at the hospital since his birth. And because he finally seemed to be doing much better and we had a routine down that I trusted the night nurses to follow, I decided to go home. So Mon, Tue and Wed nights, I stayed until the 9/10pm feeding--our kids were really sick, too and I wanted to limit exposure to them--then went home and ate and relaxed for a while, went to bed, woke in the early morning to pump (and call the night nurse to see how his chemstrips were going), slept a bit more and got back to the hospital by the morning feeding.

The doc on call at the hospital on Tuesday said we could start weaning him off the IV again as long as his chemstrips were above 60, turning it down if above, leaving it if not. My stomach still clenches reflexively thinking about those tests. Even though I knew intellectually that all he needed was more time and more food to be strong, it was like life and death each time they tested. I kept waiting for it to go backwards. And I got worse the better he got (my emotional state, I mean).

So Tuesday night, because his tests were good every time, he got off the IV. But then it had been cold in the NICU, esp in the alcove where we were, and manintenance warmed it up that night. That night's nurse swaddled him--something we hadn't been doing in the routine--and I think he got overheated. It's the only explanation for his oxygen saturations going down a bit that night, and that he got overheated right as he was going off the IV. So when I came in on Wed, he was back on oxygen--big shock. He had been off it since Saturday, with great results, no need whatsoever. Then the doc on call reassured me that it was barely a puff--at 25--so not really a step back.

He did beautifully that day and night, and when the doc--the same one from Tuesday: Dr. Laput, terrific lady--came Thursday morning, she read his chart, saw that he had had no need for oxygen earlier, and I told her what I thought caused it, and she had him off it that morning to do a room air trial, not wanting to send us home with oxygen if not necessary. He did great and we were discharged around 2:30 that day.

Even while waiting for the car, I kept waiting for them to say, wait, we made a mistake, bring him back. The whole thing was like being in a monitor-infested tunnel maintained in three-hour time slots. Thursday, a friend from my critique group came to visit. She had twins eight years ago who were in NICU for 8 1/2 weeks. !!! She put it succinctly: NICU is hell. It may be a necessary one, but that doesn't change what it is. I'm still handling it.

Then after Solomon gained weight and a 1/4 inch in head circumference from Fri to Tues, he got a fever Tuesday. So I was up until four just holding him, checking that it didn't get over 101.6 (never got over 101, thank goodness), thinking that we were going to have to go back to the hospital and that he wasn't going to make it, all those thoughts magnified from sleep deprivation and stress. (So mental mothers of the world unite...the universe needs us.)

I still have these pessimistic thoughts occasionally. Still dealing with all that happened and could have. Every person--in and out of the medical profession, but especially those in--has called it a miracle. We have no idea how he survived with a true knot (Tom actually took a picture of it) and cord wrapping. He was still kicking the day of birth. Tom can't talk about it even now.

But Solomon has gained over a pound since birth and is doing really well. He's very sensitive, hates being naked and changed (I think it's a residual reaction to how they always changed him before chemstrips), has slanted eyes that remind me of my brother Justin, and is making the same kinds of facial expressions and reactions that our others did just after birth.

So that's where we are. Now I'm just dealing with "normal" sleep deprivation from an insatiable little man. When he started coming on Thursday, I thought, "Thursday's child has far to go," and wondered how that would play out. I guess some of it is already clear. Who knows what else the future might bring? It has been excruciating and still is in how my body's still recovering (and mind--a three-hour life is difficult to switch off). I didn't get much real rest until last weekend, when Tom made me stay in bed both days, just taking care of the baby and watching the olympics. Tom had to work these two weeks, too, because the job he just finished had been delayed for two months because of materials mess-ups by Home Depot. If we were to be able to buy diapers, he needed to work. It was very hard on him emotionally to not be able to be there. My mom took care of the children during the day all that first week. And this last week, I have been at home, letting my kids watch way too many videos just to be able to rest.

I have a good friend who's pregnant right now and concerned about her "mental" state--she's had two horrible pregnancy experiences. As I told her, I think that being "mental" is perfectly normal for pregnancy. I truly was--you could confirm with Tom on this--this entire pregnancy. And I still am. My brain has changed. And in the light of her experiences and those of other friends and the process of conception (or not) and pregnancy, I no longer believe in the pat "God must have a purpose in this" that passes for comfort in many places. I have no idea why things happen the way they do, and the only thing about God that I cannot let go is his love for me, but also for everyone. Why should my baby have survived intense cord wrapping and a true knot and other babies not survive it? My mom quotes the verse that says, "And God loved Solomon." Well and good, but my mom thought Solomon was not the best name to begin with, so what if we had named him something else? God loves all babies, all people. And I can't imagine him choosing which babies survive and which ones don't. Somehow I think this world has broken God, like a marriage breaks love, into a million pieces that end up making something more beautiful, but that is painful and beyond complex. And that brokenness--made mainly from our choices over the millenia--limits his ability to do what he wants in making all things good and lovely. I don't by any means intend to turn this experience into a theological position--God forbid! I'm just trying to work some stuff out. Also thinking from a place of sleep deprivation, so....

So all is well, for now, and that's life. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Solomon is asleep next to me right now. And we're all really glad he's here. Thank-you to all of those who broadcast thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. Thanks to those who gave us gifts of things, money and time. Thanks most to our friends and family, without whom we would not have made it through this time. Be sure that I'll post a photo of the first time I notice true "baby fat" on little man. One ounce at a time. :-)

For a more thorough theological explication of open theism: http://www.gregboyd.org/oldcvm/gbfront/index.html

For a complete explanation of childbirth:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childbirth

instant parenthood?

2006-01-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

For the record, I am pregnant...very pregnant. My "official" due date is February 5th, though just as officially, the pregnancy is at term anytime between 37 and 42 weeks. I often tell expecting friends that the last two weeks make the rest seem like you weren't even pregnant. Let's just say it's not a barrel (though I feel like one) of laughs right now. :-)

My husband, Tom, and I were sitting on the couch last night talking about the weird, time-warpish nature of our feelings during this time. We have two children, ages 6 and 3, but it's amazing how it's still a mystery, still feels risky, still scares the hell out of us, even as it's one of the best feelings of our lives.

So this time 'round, I haven't felt "ready" to give birth until this week. Finally bought diapers and all the stuff on Dotti's (our midwife) list for the auspicious day. Fi-na-lly finished organizing our room for baby. And Tom has been working on a couple of jobs (he's a residential contractor) in which the materials have been mis-ordered and come in damaged three times in a row. He really wanted to finish these before baby came and has felt unready too.

Thus, we've been avoiding sex the last few days because it can induce labor. Tom was contemplating the rest of the week's work with materials and without interruption. I've been finishing judging the contest entries mentioned in a previous blog.

When Dotti came yesterday for the home visit, she clarified exactly how sex can induce labor. I told Tom about it, and it brought out our often-relied-upon hilarity.

You have sex and boom! out pops a baby!

What if it was like that? Would babies be considered less valuable? Would there be a population boom? Or not? Would people have sex? Or not? What would it be like? How would it change society and interpersonal relationships?

Because that's a bit how it feels right now. Though we know baby's coming soon, we don't want to cause the process to start and then stall; and Tom politely begged for those two more good days of work (sans sex). (Yes, he had to beg. See forthcoming blog on the injustice of pregnant hormonal lust.)

For now, it really feels like: sex>labor>baby! is a possibility. Voila! Instant parenthood.

Birth Matters Midwifery - tons of great info on birth and pregnancy. I highly recommend this option for childbirth; and Dotti is a terrific midwife and just a stellar person.
http://birthmattersmidwifery.com/

The most info on nonpharmaceutical induction I have found...maybe TMI
http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/natinduc.html

Shorter article, explaining the roles of prostaglandins (in semen) and oxytocin (a hormone released by orgasm in the mother's body)
http://webcenter.health.webmd.netscape.com/content/article/62/71738.htm

Where the information highway turns into a dirt road

2006-01-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago, I worked at a shoe store (great for all sorts of writing fodder). I called a customer to let him know his order was in and got his answering machine. It was full of static and his voice had a southern, older twang. He said, "Welcome to the -- residence, where the information highway turns into a dirt road." I didn't stop laughing for a while.

And back then, it was still something you could laugh about. But today? No. Today, knowing how to navigate that highway--feels more like an orbit these days--is a necessity for almost any endeavor. And if it's not a necessity, it's a way to have a richer life, more informed, judicious, frugal, a way to find what must sometimes be, in this complicated world, a circuitous route to one's dreams.

For example, I'm judging entries for a local writer's conference contest. As I sat eating at Mediterranean Cafe (a great little place downtown, owned by dear friends; her blog: http://countessarugula.blogspot.com/), reading the first couple of entries, I was struck by how uninformed some of the writing seemed. In one case, it was the writing itself. In another, it was the presentation.

And what I mean by uninformed is that, especially with the internet, but even without, a literal plethora of help and guidance about good writing and proper presentation exists at our fingertips. But I've noticed that some people don't even think of tapping into these reservoirs to aid their writing journeys. Yes, Google is ubiquitous, but for a very good reason: it works.

I have met new writer after new writer who didn't even think of searching for basic writing information. I write down web site after site on napkins at restaurants. I mean, if one is writing a picture book for the first time, would it not make sense to google "picture book writing" right at the start?

But it's clear that many of those I talk to--even some of whom think they're ready to send manuscripts to publishers or to self-publish!--are not aware of the information highway and many don't seem to care. They don't seem to realize how crucial it could be to getting published and just being a better writer. At a conference last fall, during a question and answer session with editors from major publishers, at least half of the questions asked could have been answered by going to Google first. And this was the top organization for this genre! They wasted having those ears at their disposal because they were too lazy to use their computer, learn to use one, or go to the library to use one.

Now, I like the "dirt road" and try to live most parts of my life grounded in what I consider to be "reality": unprocessed food, library books, family, friends, a world perspective (especially when organizing our very small house), trying to base my knowledge and judgments on straight, undiluted information (like Vital Speeches of the Day: http://www.votd.com/, a record of what people are actually saying instead of the spin of what they said).

But I also recognize that the information orbit can infinitely impact my life. Yes, for the better and the worse. But mainly--wow! I sound like an optimist--for the better. So I use it. And when someone complains about not knowing something, I immediately think--and then say--have you googled it? What I want to say is, "Give me a break. Crack open your mind, break out your fingers, and just type a little and you'll be on your way." What I say is, "Have you googled that? Check out this site and this site and this blog...." And I say it with a smile, but inside I just want to throttle them a tiny bit.

Done!

2006-01-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a banner year. After "walking" 13 years ago, last spring I finally finished my bachelor's degree, taking the final three courses I needed. I received my diploma in August. And yesterday, this "horrible finisher" actually completed the goals I made for my critique group. I don't really feel like waxing eloquent about it right now. Feels good, though. And barring any unforeseen interruptions like school, this year should be a good, productive one for writing. Can't wait for my rejections to start flowing in again...the life of a writer! :-)

good grief and Hooray!

2006-01-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

As I said, I'm a writer. I belong to a wonderful, brutally honest critique group. We meet a couple of times a month and are all on our way to being published--really, as in prominent agents interested in manuscripts, publishers asking for work, editors with open doors. They are wonderful wonderful people, my comrades.

One of our methods is to make yearly goals, re-evaluating them mid-year. We pay dues into a piggy bank for the year, too. Those who reach their goals get to split the pot at the end of the year party. It's one of the best methods I've seen, because you pay yourself to accomplish what you want. And, for example, if only four of our eight make our goals, then they double their money. I really really want to be one of those who make it this year!

So one part of my goal was a certain page count. I didn't specify on what project because I just wanted to write, to open up some closed parts of my mind and life onto the page without the burden of "discipline." Though our goals must be met by this coming Wednesday, until last night, I had not yet calculated how many pages I'd written this year.

I am a true procrastinator, but one who has learned how to use it, for the most part, constructively. For example, I try to do things that need immediate attention right at that moment, not worrying any more about how I have time for it, just doing it. I don't always succeed, but I try.

Other endeavors, though, benefit from procrastination, from prolonged mulling. The best explanation I've ever read on this is from a book by Anastasia Suen called Picture Writing: A New Approach to Writing for Kids and Teens. Though the book is geared for children's writers, this method, her way of looking at the creative process, applies across the gamut of creative pursuit. I've placed the pith of what she says below.

This time, though, good grief!, I sooooo should have seen how much I'd written weeks ago! I'm over my page count! When I thought I had at least half left to do in three days! Ugh! What wasted mental energy. So now getting all of my goals done is--though still at the last minute--definitely doable and not going to result in my possible death. (I'm pregnant, nine months even, so writing the fifty pages I thought I had left in three days while preparing for the birth and taking care of my five and two year-olds just might have resulted in a temporary death, definitely a psychological one....)

So, good grief and Hooray! Money from the pot, here I come.

"The Five Steps in the Creative Process

Step 1 Preparation—You get a new idea and gather information about it.
Step 2 Frustration—Your project gets stuck.
Step 3 Incubation—Your subconscious works on the project.
Step 4 Illumination—The A-Ha! moment of insight.
Step 5 Translation Into Action—You take your insight and put it to work."

From Picture Writing: A New Approach to Writing for Kids and Teens, by Anastasia Suen, page 7

One more one more one more try

2006-01-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

So the majority of my friends are not going to hear about this blog until I actually keep it going for longer than a month. Not sure how many blogs I've started.... But growing up, I'd get journals as gifts or on a whim or on a discipline binge and I'd write in them for a max of a few weeks or days. Then you'd see a page break and the date would start two years later with something like "Well, it's two years later and we've moved across the country again and now I like this guy and..." to be followed by several pages of what had happened in those two years.

So, I figure it's time in my life that there is no possible reason for me not to be able to keep a journal, an almost daily report of life. I'm not looking at it as a discipline, because that's killed it soooo many times--residue of being a preacher's daughter. I'm looking at this as simply recording my meandering life and thoughts and trying to make sense of it all. That's it.

A bit about me: I'm a girl, wife, mother, writer, photographer, singer, actor, brainstormer, Earth mama, Christian (but not one of those), Dune Tolkien Firefly Jane Austen Dr. Strangelove Greg Boyd fan, great starter working-on-it finisher, multitasker, recovering perfectionist, lover of books and people. And that's only a start. So hang on for a ride. (not promising any particular sort of ride; just a ride)